Oblivion: A Poem
Closed my eyes;
Not that it made much of a difference
It was dark anyways.
And I lay there,
Unmoving.
Looking,
But not seeing.
And all that I could hear
Was the silence.
And when I felt the heavy blanket
Settle over me
Caressing every curve,
Every edge,
Every little imperfection;
And when I felt it settle,
I let it.
Binding me to this bed;
Binding me forever.
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Woah... I actually posted a poem! Thanks for reading (if you actually did read it)! This is my own poem that I wrote maybe a week ago (or maybe less than a week ago). Let me know what you think.
<3,
Pseudonym
ooh nice poem. i really like the ending. this isn't really a piece of feedback, but it's just something i noticed you did differently than i would have done: your formatting is quite different from how i format. the poem's fine with the formatting it already has, but it follows grammatical rules a lot. it has a nice rhythm because that's how we normally talk. when i write poems, i tend to break lines in places that aren't where we'd pause while speaking.
ReplyDeletei'm not saying to change anything, since i like the poem as it is, but i just wanted to mention that i noticed that.
thanks! this was actually the poem i wrote for mr. rathjen's class hahaha
ReplyDeleteAHH YOUR POEM IS SO LIKE DESCRIPTIVE AND LIKE AHHHHH I CAN'T EXPLAIN IT BUT LIKE YOUR POEM IS RALLY GOOD
ReplyDelete